Monday, April 01, 2013

Earnest Neighbor Goes on Hunger Strike After Demanding “Decent Retail”

This post was part of an April Fools Day joke.   

Ramos-Ambrose moments before embarking on her hunger strike

A Kingman Park woman identified as Gwendolyn Ramos-Ambrose recently made her views known at the "H Street Coffehouse and Cafe and Sandwich Shop and Loose Tea Bar and Internet Cafe and Constant Construction Site and Hangout for Students and Drunk Homeless People"

“I was just in Brooklyn and they had the most amazing fabric store,” said Ramos-Ambrose. “They had a terrific bead shop and this fabulous home wares store too. All of the businesses seemed socially conscious, too.  Why can’t H Street have some better boutiques, maybe a cheese store?  Perhaps a fishmonger.  An eye-glass café.”?

Ramos-Ambrose had reportedly just finished a soy chai latte and a lightly toasted sesame bagel with cream cheese when she cleared her plate and announced to either someone on the other end of her phone conversation, or to the café in general, her intentions.

“I am not eating another bite until somebody commits to an interesting women’s clothing store on the corridor!” onlookers claim Ramos-Ambrose screamed.

Ms. Ramos-Ambrose scanned the café but the other patrons were busily dunking chocolate chip cookies in latte mugs or answering emails on their laptops.

“She said, ‘I am just sick of just restaurants and bars opening on H Street.  We need retail diversity,’” the employee stated.

“She cleaned off her table and went down the street,” said H Street Coffee and Café owner, Aaron McGovern.  “She didn’t come back so I’m really not sure if she’s eaten since then or not.”

McGovern would also not confirm the rumors that he planned to open a “snout to tail” offal emporium on the long neglected 1400 block of the corridor.

1 comment:

Rob said...

Geez. I hope she survives ;-)