Hey, this is a slightly more personal post than most that I write here. Posting might be light today, because I'm just really upset about this whole thing (and I'm busy). The night before last I had a kid show up to move into a room in my house that he was to rent short term (1.5 months). I'm still working on my house, so I was giving him a hell of a deal on the place. This all came about because he's a family friend (I hadn't met him before), and he urgently needed a place, and couldn't find anyone who would rent to him for that period of time and sight unseen (he was looking from out of town). I had some friends come over and we had a huge push to finish his room. Four of us worked painting the whole place, including installing and painting new trim for his room. We even hauled up a queen sized mattress from the basement for him since he didn't have a bed, and I loaned him some furniture. He gets here and he (Andrew who's interning for a certain large federal agency) goes out and gets a sandwich from Taylor. He grabs beers at the Pug. Then he calls with a question and I invite him to a friend's house for a couple of beers. Then he goes back out to the bars on H Street and I go to bed. I was in and out the next day, and I next saw him around 4pm. He comes over and starts talking to me about a "little issue" he's having. At the same moment a friend calls (as planned) and I tell him to stop by. My friend, who is black, stops by. Andrew's little issue? He's afraid of Blacks. He actually says to my friend and me "No offense, but I saw plenty of white people in the bars, but I didn't see many white people on the street." Of course, this was followed by some lame brief explanation about how he likes black people. Dude, you're a racist!
He moved out last night. He moved to Vienna, VA. Now, Andrew's from Tulsa, Oklahoma. Which is also where I (mostly) grew up. He's also 21 years old. I guess I should excuse some stupid behavior from a 21 year old. But I'm pissed. I had done this kid a favor (I was charging him VERY LITTLE). I'm angry about that, but mostly I'm upset about what he said, and how he's thinking. The scary thing is that I know he's not uncommon. As I type this there are thousands of little Andrews running all around DC. They're drinking beers in your local bar, grabbing dinner somewhere, hitting the clubs, and presumably going home to watch Mel Gibson movies.
Race is a topic that inevitably comes up here, and I think that discussion is useful. Seeing this kind of behavior in a college student (in Boston) is troubling on so many levels to me. Part of what gets me is the casualness with which some people says things like this. I'm not perfect, but...damn. It reminded me of a story I heard about 5 years ago from a real estate agent friend. She was showing a house over by Stadium Armory, and the client said something like "I like the house, but it's still a little DARK over here." She quit working with him.
68 comments:
the world is trending in the right direction. there are individuals, unfortunately, who aren't moving quite the same way.
you did the right thing. you tried to help someone. that's all you can do.
hopefully he'll think about this and come around someday.
Let's face it. Some people prefer white meat. There's no reason to fret over one kid's opinion.
Reminds me of the anonymous trolls who pop into the threads about XII.
"No offense, but I saw plenty of white people in the bars, but I didn't see many white people on the street."
That's not necessarily a racist statement against blacks. It's more of an observation that white people don't like the street.
Anyways, even if he was racist moving out to Vienna is the worst thing for him. He will never be exposed to different cultures. You should have told him to stay for awhile and give him a walk around the neighborhood.
11:38,
It was clear from the context what he meant.
"They're drinking beers in your local bar, grabbing dinner somewhere, hitting the clubs, and presumably going home to watch Mel Gibson movies."
Just because someone enjoys watching Mel Gibson movies doesnt make him/her a bigot. Am I a street thug preacher because I watch a documentary of Tupac on E!? Don't think so.
Ditto Jamie!
Inked I am sorry to hear this, some people have no desire to leave their comfort zones and grow.
Did you ask him what he expected? DC is a really diverse city and until recently mostly african- american.
Anyways, even if he was racist moving out to Vienna is the worst thing for him. He will never be exposed to different cultures.
Different cultures? Fairfax County is FAR more diverse than the District of Columbia...just not black folk.
12:27,
the Mel Gibson things was a joking reference to Mr. Gibson's latest racist rant.
I really don't know if it's worth trying to change people's minds. Some people hold prejudices for the most abstract reasons. I had a lively discussion with a coworker a couple years back who admitted he was racist and said his opinion was formed when some black kid stole his bike when he was child. This was a 40+ year old man I was talking to and it was astonishing that his blanket opinion of all black people was rooted in a single encounter with a single person 2 decades ago. After he told me that story the conversation came to a dead stop. How do you even respond to that. Some people are just going to believe what they want to believe. Maybe your family friend will develop a more open mind, maybe he won't. it's his life to live though. I would just let him be. Living in Vienna will be punishment enough for him.
being from the south, i'm not surprised that dude would be fairly blatant about his racist outlook, it's somewhat ingrained and accepted where he's from. i grew up in Little Rock and made a choice early on thanks to a mother who raised me right, that i would reject all forms of racism and i've lived my life accordingly. this guy and many others have a long way to go in that respect and obviously his upbringing has led to his fear. Hopefully, he learned a valuable lesson from you. I imagine his views on homosexuals would be similar
I would LOVE to sit down with this kid and have a good talk - not to change him, not to tell him that he is missing out, but to hear where his feeling are coming from. Is it not so much that he has something against blacks but that he just doesn't like being somewhere where HE is different and the minority? Or is it with blacks? If so, why? I am sure he has never even thought about it - it is just the way he feels. I would want to push him so he thinks about what he thinks and why he thinks it. These discussions need to happen, but unfortunately they rarely do.
there are some very ignorant people out there. i am very proud to live in a diverse neighborhood and could not see myself anywhere but here. i would also never say anything close to what the kid said... with that said though, for such a diverse neighborhood, the h street bars are not necessarily diverse! what's up with that? and, in the interest of being honest, walking up and down h on a week day, i do still sometimes feel out of place. perhaps i just still have some growing to do... on a side note- do you ever think about what the term "up and coming" must sound like to the people who have been here for 30 years? are we indicating that the newbies (many of us white) moving in are making this place better? i feel like we all talk about h street as being "transitional", but isn't that somewhat offensive? ...discuss...
The sad fact is that to some, maybe most people; the Standard White straight American (What ever that is) is normal. Anything else is a deviation. It is a daily reminder that one isn't normal, isn't accepted as a full member of the human race by virtue of their .
This prompted me to listened to Louis Armstrong's Black and Blue, you can find it on You Tube.
It's sad that we haven't moved forward since then, it's sad that that song still has resonance.
We're nicer now, but to quote little Red Riding Hood (Into the Woods), "Nice is different than good."
Meh - this is the type of thing we (Blacks) have to deal with all the time. Spending lots of time in both northern and southern VA, i've seen the whole spectrum from the folks who claim not to be racist because "they have a Black friend" to those who tell you how they feel to your face. Personally I prefer those who tell you how they feel to your face. No surprises or embarrassing attempts at being their friend then. I like to chalk it up as all being apart of the Black experience in America.
I am however still comforted that at least some people are affronted at his backward thinking.
Also, I dont think that entire string on XII was completely about race - I think its more about culture. I'm Black and I'm mortified that anyone would try to defend a place like that, claiming that it is apart of our culture. That is such a narrow-minded way to stereotype ourselves and we do it all the time. Just like the other concerned mother that posted, I'm just as concerned about any place in our neighborhood that attracts and apparently caters to dangerous people. I say shut them down. I dont care what color they are - we should stop defending criminal behavior under the guise of protecting "our culture" or just to naysay gentrifiers.
How is Trinidad diverse? 90-95% of the residents are african american.
There is nothing racist about wanting to live in a neighborhood where most of the people share the same cultural background as you. Some people are just more comfortable that way. That doesn't make them a racist
I think his stance is indefensible. I do want to inject one twist on his behavior. I think it's interesting to look at some of the statements about race as really shallow overlays on classism. I am in no way defending racism. But if you took the median income of trinidad, education levels, family background, and switched races, to say, white, I think he'd still be fairly uncomfortable. It's a direct legacy of slavery/institutional racism that the indicators in trinidad would look this way (160 years after the civil war--it's heartbreaking really), but it is another useful way to think about this issue. I think that this kid would be very uncomfortable in deep appalachia or on an impoverished indian reservation or wherever there is a legacy of poverty. I think using race like he does is a convenient and deeply offensive shorthand for what in many regards hinges on classism. Again, it's hard to have a discussion on race online (or in general) but sometimes I find that thinking about other correlated issues can help to explain some of the behavior.
There is nothing racist about wanting to live in a neighborhood where most of the people share the same cultural background as you. Some people are just more comfortable that way. That doesn't make them a racist
His issue was that he was AFRAID OF BLACK PEOPLE. He didn't bother to find out if they shared a similar "cultural background", he saw dark skin and started pissing himself. Let's not try to excuse the indefensible.
PS- Shut down XII, open a wig-themed bar in its place.
I like Anon @ 2:38 pm's post. Maybe this kid isn't exactly racist as he is afraid of urban, transitioning, "tough", etc neighborhoods.
There are parts of Detroit, Philly, Atlanta, LA, or any other major city, that resemble Trinidad/H st and aren't necessarily majority black that would make many people (some who aren't racist at all) feel very uncomfortable.
How is Trinidad diverse? 90-95% of the residents are african american.
There is nothing racist about wanting to live in a neighborhood where most of the people share the same cultural background as you. Some people are just more comfortable that way. That doesn't make them a racist.
Didn't this one Austrian dude have a similar stance? There's nothing wrong with wanting your country to be full of people JUST LIKE YOU.
If you don't think Trinidad is diverse, wait for a bus at Florida and Montello in the morning. It's like a UN gathering (which, imho, is a GOOD thing).
Don't be a douchebag anon 3:18. Your bus ride into town in the mornings full of diverse people doesn't change the fact that Trinidad is still 90-95% one race.
Regardless of color the families who live in the neighborhood, and work at the small businesses are a different caliber of people than those who just loiter all day on H Street. Unfortunately those loiterers make the big first impression with public drinking, cat calling women, begging for money, getting belligerent towards passersby who won't stop to listen to their begging, etc...
I'm glad that over time that element has diminished - but not everyone has tolerance for it. Some are more intimidated by it than others.
it runs both ways... i'm just sayin'... it aint right.
http://ytpolitics.blogspot.com/
those loiterers make the big first impression with public drinking, cat calling women, begging for money, getting belligerent towards passersby who won't stop to listen to their begging, etc...
True 'nuf. Not saying potential renter wasn't being a racist douchebag, but I can see how, on some evenings, getting dropped onto H Street might be a traumatic experience if you'd just fell off the turnip truck from East Siltwater, OK. Perhaps he should have gone through a decompression process by getting lunch in Bethesda, then seeing a movie in Penn Quarter, then getting dinner on Barracks Row before finally heading over to H Street.
(Just a bit of anecdote: when I lived in Chicago back in the mid-90s I was "work-friends" with several black guys who lived on the south side. They used to talk all the time about how you'd never catch them up on the north side. Too scary.)
Sorry your potential renter turned out to be an cowardly, ungrateful racist prick though, Inked...
I have a stupid question, so forgive my obtuseness. Inked, are you white?
4:34,
I am white.
I wasn't trying to be a douche bag, and in re-reading my post, it does sound bad. I apoligise for my miserable failed attempt at being sarcastic.
Trinidad is still majority African-American, but there isn't an overt racial tension like in other cities. Whatever the case, I can understand Inked's frustration.
I'm black and the anonymous poster who asked whether you were white. Racism will be stamped out only when a white people such as you is as offended by it as a black person like me. Good for you, sweetheart, good for you. Your parents should be proud!
forgive my bad grammar in the previous post, but I hope you get my point.
Inked, use this as an opportunity to educate/enlighten him. He was open enough to mention this to you.
In his environment, he probably only sees the blacks in the poorer crime-ridden neighborhoods.
When my sister (white, uber-liberal, pro-same sex marriage supporter, Obama campaign worker, etc) came to visit from San Francisco last year, I was shocked that she asked if I was scared to walk on H street AND at the Regal Gallery Place theater. She didn't meantion race once. Although the majority in both locations were black, their skin color wasn't the factor; their behavior was. If I would have taken her to National Harbor or any other PG county locale where middle-class, law-abiding blacks are the majority, I would not have gotten the same reaction from her.
I find many of the blacks are racists. I think whites, for the most part try to reach out to the blacks, until they get back stabbed. The blacks tend to stay amongst themselves.
Tell the kid if he wants to live near H st and be around white people, he can live on my block. I'm black and the minority here:)
5:33,
he moved. He was supposed to come by tonight and help me move that queen sized bed back to the basement. He hasn't returned my phone call. I don't expect to ever hear from him again.
Hi Inked:
We recently moved to the H st area from Glover Park. My wife was never harassed or bothered walking to the bus or going out. We had a very diverse neighborhood. Blacks, whites, Hispanics, and Asians. Now that we live over here she is constantly harassed and whistled at by black men on her way to the Metro. She does not dress in a provocative or sexy way at all. Further, she has them confront her and tell her that she is scared of the black man because she did not want to talk to them on her way home. She never received this type of treatment in Glover Park. Unfortunately all this negative behavior has caused her to feel very uncomfortable around black males in the neighborhood and now we are thinking about moving back to Glover Park so she does not have to put up with the crap from these guys. We bought here because we thought that the neighborhood was improving and that people were more respectful of their neighbors. Unfortunately, we have found that this is not the case. Maybe in a couple of years it will be better, but for now, they just cause her stress and concern. For the record, we are an interracial couple and we "like" diversity as it represents us. However, we do not like A-holes who try to intimidate or harass us. When the straight black men in this neighborhood start acting respectfully towards their neighbors they will lose the negative image that has been established.
Michael
Just so you know, I am Inked father and I am proud!! I also am ashamed sometimes of myself, because I can feel uncomfortable in a situation where I am a minority. the gift I hope for is to always push through that. I can only hope some day to reach the same level of enlightenment as Inked
Inked- I think you are race baiting...channeling a little McCarthy here.
“As I type this there are thousands of little Andrews running all around DC. They're drinking beers in your local bar, grabbing dinner somewhere, hitting the clubs, and presumably going home to watch Mel Gibson movies.”
Seriously?
I dare say, It’s not at all racist to want to live and associate with like-minded people. Nobody has a problem rolling into Chinatown in DC. I especially enjoy how NYC, particularly, has ethnic enclaves throughout the city. It’s a part of human nature and I think adds to the charm of a city when embraced. Paranoia about race--- what you are promoting here with your post, is precisely the problem in the American experience. I echo what Kristin said above we need to stop protecting people’s BEHAVIOR because of our paranoia and insecurity about race relations.
Just curious, is he a Republican or Democrat? A tea-partier?
7:55,
I'm expressing an opinion. I don't think I'm race baiting, and that's definitely the first time I've been accused of acting like McCarthy. You don't think you're exaggerating a tad?
8:45,
No idea of his political affiliation.
I know you were just expressing your opinion--you're entitled to it. That being said, it's precisely your type of McCarthyistic paranoia that perpetuates racial tensions in our communities and builds walls so that people are afraid of addressing behavior/cultural issues at the risk of being percieved as a racist. You have a powerful opinion in this community and your blog reaches many people. I realize you are pissed that this guy is a nube and that you lost a tenant but use your power to promote trusting realtionships not paranoia.
I believe the kid *is* racist. He attributes the danger (real) of living in Trinidad to the race of the majority of its inhabitants and is scared. Not because there are criminals, but because the people are black, as if one meant the other.
There are those of us who are brown, that are amazingly hurt by the actions of people who look at us and see criminals/danger. To constantly prove you're good enough for basic respect is trying. No matter what you do, what you accomplish, you're still never equal or good enough. You're always one notch above a something bad to the majority culture, like being born in debt and having to work it off before first. To carry that every single day, is enough to kill a person's spirit, and to perhaps lead them to a very distant and dark place from which return may not be possible.
Just wondering...is it more painful to see those in your community perpetuating the negative stereo-types that exist in the culture because of their continued behavior consistent with the negative stereotype? Or is it more painful to see people racked with fear because they believe the negative stereotype is universal in the community?
What of Michael's post above? Is he a racist because he wants to move? His objections to this area are behavioral and have nothing to do with skin color. Likewise, I would suggest that people's aversions to the H street area have MUCH more to do with the people's behavior that they see on the street than with the color of their skin. Drug deals, mis-treatment of women, vagrancy, addiction, etc, etc, have nothing to do with skin color, per se, but rather are human conditions that exist in every culture and are just as frightening in every skin color!
I should really point out that this kid wasn't making that comment about Trinidad. It was about the area just south of here (specifically 12th street between H and K Street) the 1200 block of H Street, and Florida between 12th and the NY Ave Metro. He didn't ever walk through Trinidad.
Anon 7:55pm/10:11pm (god I hate anonymous posting): Did you actually *read* Inked's original article/post? She didn't refer to him as racist because he preferred to be around people like him. She referred to him as racist because "He's afraid of Blacks."
Beyond that, you're basically suggesting that you, who was not there, do not know what he exactly said, and neither heard what he actually said nor saw how he said it, have more insight into his character than someone who actually *was* there and *did* hear what he said and how he said it.
You're absolutely correct that it's not *necessarily* racist to prefer to be around people with whom you have a common cultural bond. That you're certain this is an accurate description of the situation, on the basis of no evidence whatsoever, rather than the description Inked gave on the basis of evidence she *did* have, is a bit silly.
We're all racist to a degree and unless we admit it, we're never going to change. This young man was on the cusp of saying "I am a racist and I want to do something about it," until we begin to vilify him to the point that he literally leaves. There goes an opportunity to educate.
As a self-described racist (and working hard daily not to be), I would learn more from being around a patient, understanding black person (Kristin 1:54)then a guilt-ridden clueless white person who thinks they've self-actualized beyond any racist tendencies.
Beware of anyone, anyone, who says, "I'm not a racist, but...."
9:35,
the conversation was more like there are too many black people and not enough white people over here so I'm leaving. There wasn't space for discussion. I offered to give him a tour, or let him sleep on it, but he clearly felt so uncomfortable that he had to leave right then.
I dare say, It’s not at all racist to want to live and associate with like-minded people.
Not in the least...it's racist to assume that "like-minded people" means "of the same race."
I've got a Hell of a lot more in common with the worst alcoholic, street-pooping wanker on H Street than I do some hillbilly meth-head in West Virginia.
@Robby:
There are those of us who are brown, that are amazingly hurt by the actions of people who look at us and see criminals/danger.
True enough, and is a really shitty situation. But if you were PP's wife walking to the Metro every day, running a gauntlet of misogynistic, threatening assholes every single morning, you might be entitled to a little mental shorthand when it comes to avoiding folks on the street.
You've got every right to be pissed off about the collateral damage, but you're taking it out on the wrong people. It ain't the traumatized woman who's at fault for feeling traumatized.
Nobody looks at middle-aged black women and sees criminals/danger. Nobody sees 50 year old black men in a golf shirt and sees criminals and danger. She's not scared of young black men because she read something racist on the internet.
As Obama said, "Brothers need to pull up their pants."
I just say lets not be so quick to point the racist finger at the obvious when there are three hidden fingers pointed back at us. We never want to look at the racism in ourselves (maybe because we can't admit/see it).
I see it as no different then being a homophobic gay man who harbors some resentment about the gay community that I don't like. Yet most of us (gay folks) don't even recognize our own ingrained homophobia that we work to overcome. I feel the same way about my engrained racism or sexims, etc. I have to work daily to overcome it.
We're all a little (or a lot) racist, homophobic, sexist, classist, etc. Once you recognize it/admit it you can change it - if you want to.
"Not in the least...it's racist to assume that "like-minded people" means "of the same race.""
-----------------
well said.
If the kid moved out because he didn't like the racial balance, that's his prerogative. If the kid moved out because he doesn't like black people, that's his prerogative. If the kid moved out because he doesn't like raccoons, that's also his prerogative.
For whatever reason it seems the overwhelming majority of people in this region obsess too much about what other people think, what other people feel, and what other people do.
Be your own person, set your own morals, pass them on to your progeny, and share them with your family and friends. Rather than engaging in the exacting task of trying to sociologically dissect humanity.
not on parker,
it's his choice, but I think it's kind of pathetic. I also don't appreciate that he just broke his lease like that.
You sleep in my house, drink my beer, and then ask for money for the bus when you leave because the neighborhood is too heavily African American? Lame.
Not a scientific study at all, but I had a horrific time trying to find tenants for my house near H Street. Most people basically came out and said it was a great place but that the neighborhood is too "rough around the edges" for them to feel confortable. I had to remind myself of the frozen tropics reader who posted that the most "unsafe" he felt was in a poor WHITE neighborhhod of Richmond. I think that a lot of peoples' issues and fears are economically based more than racially based.
What's tough is that for every one Andrew who actually expresses their opinion there are 10 (maybe 20) who feel the same way but don't say it. Or worse yet disguise it under the pretenses of "clean and safe."
Another thought-- gentrification almost always carries a negative connotation but it brings different classes/peoples in more consistent contact. I hedge that a bit because it's still possible to live in an area like Trinidad/north of H street and not really have any contact with the people around you.
Bottom line: H Street ain't Clarendon.
Fearing the unfamiliar is a pretty useful survival instinct...
A lot of things in modern society are at odds with nature.
From white bread to H St in 1 day is a big step. A little education and socialization goes a long way...
I've been in this area since 1987 and in NE for 8 years. I'm still often amazed at what passes for acceptable behavior in my adopted home...
Its obvious this guy grew up in a predominantly what area and will continue to live in a predominantly white area. It is also obvious that at this age he is VERY young. It is also obvious that without stretching himself he will be acting the same at 50+ as he was at 21. It doesn't seem that he is terribly confident or interested in growing as a person if his first instinct is to run to what is comfortable.
I grew up in NOLA so I can't say what it is like to live in a neighborhood that is predominantly white and go to a school that is the same. I don't know how that would have affected me. Some people like to push their own comfort zone, this boy is obviously not one of them.
Sure he might not be running across the scary brown people but he is missing out on possibly meeting some new and interesting people. And that is sad but it is truly his loss. Just a bit of advice - he better learn to live with it cause if he lives anywhere in an urban area or an area with a large African American population he is going to have to deal with it. The days of Jim Crow where blacks were to be little seen and definitely not heard are gone and will hopefully never return.
I just hope that he doesn't raise his kids with fears of a LARGE segment of the US population and if they escape this that when they have black friends he doesn't get angry if some if his childrens teammates, classmates, and/or friends are of a different hue.
Joe Englert said:
I lived at 14th and W Northwest in the mid-80's to early 90's. I was one of two white guys on the street.
When I started doing buildouts on H, I was the rare white guy on the block during the day.
When my kids go to public school, they are in the vast minority as white kids.
Doing business with DCRA or ABRA is a similar breakdown.
But in most instances day to day, I have been treated really well. So have my children. I think if you smile, say hello and talk to people, they are usually receptive 99% of the time.
Compliment people and their children and they are yours for life. Take an interest in what they have to say or what interests them and many times you come away with a friend or at least an ally.
When people are mean or petty, it's just best to laugh it off. I don't mean to sugar-coat life so much, but man, it is really a waste of time to dwell on group against group and taking a bad experience so personally. We really aren't that different when you take the time to listen.
One of the funniest things that happened on H, was during the period of when I requested many licenses at once. One woman was particularly mean to me at public meetings. Trying to kill her with kindess, I gave her and her son two prime tickets to the Nationals. She never showed.
Michelle and Barack Obama wound up sitting next to those empty seats. Boy, if she only realized the once-in-a-lifetime chance she blew for her kid!
I'm as appalled as most. It's his phrasing. If he said "I'm uncomfortable," without the "because there are so many blacks" I could understand. I came from a mostly white place, and never realized how homogeneous it was until I moved here. The diversity was really noticeable. And sometimes, this is uncomfortable--but you work through that discomfort and find out more about yourself and about others.
I agree with the people saying there is racism inside of all of us. I realize I have deeply embedded beliefs, wherever they came from, and I have to challenge them. It's kind of stressful, honestly, but worth it. I'm white, and frankly, I feel a guilty a LOT (of course, I feel guilty about a lot of things--it's kind of an issue). I want to tell everyone I see on the bus that what they don't know is that I grew up in a blue collar family in a poorer neighborhood because I don't want them to think I'm just another spoiled rich white kid.
I also feel bad because I do tend to feel uncomfortable at times when I'm walking alone and am passing black teens or certain black men. I can't explain what the exact qualities of these people are, but I just know that race plays a part, and I know this is not good. On the other hand, this feeling has been formed by experiences (like Michael's wife). And I KNOW this is not all black men. That doesn't make it good...I'm just trying to explain where I'm coming from.
12th your post caused an argument between a very dear friend of mine and me. I am glad you're growing. I just am not in a position to celebrate it. I've been raised in the same culture, that we all have been. That blacks, in particular black men are dangerous. As a black man it's almost crushing. So while I am happy for you that you are pushing your boundaries. I am hurt by the very fact that the majority culture starts with people who look like me being in a deficit. I tried to explain that, but Instead I am not sure if I did it justice.
I am glad you're on a path of self-awareness. They are hard journeys.
Please know, that the same things you were raised with I was too but in the inverse. Being black meant you had to be better than, smarter than... So while I understand and welcome your self-awareness, when you do transition you'll find that there are many people are okay with difference and its not that scary.
The mosaic that is the USA is wonderful and each tile has value.
Thank you for taking the journey and I wish you well.
Also, thugs, or any hue are scary that's why they are thugs.
Robby, it was stated earlier (and agreed by 12th St. Anon) that everyone has some racist, homophobic, sexism in them and that instead of pointing it out in others we should look at our own. In doing that, and only that, can we begin to change it. Kind of like in AA recognizing you have a problem before you can do anything about it.
Robby, have you been so busy taking other people's inventory (another AA step toward healing) that you haven't been able to take your own racist inventory? 12st St. Anon. was looking at his journey, you were focused on his journey too. We spend too much time looking at where other people are on the racist journey that we don't assess or own. You said," Being black meant you had to be better than, smarter than..." - but you chose to be those things and likly shun those negative (racist?) stereotypes of blacks yourself (pants hanging off the butt, dropping out of school, selling drugs, etc.) I see it as no different than being a feminine lesbian and being turned off by a bull dyke. We all hate the stereotypes becasue we think they reflect bad on us that do not meet those stereotypes. We're afraid others may judge us based on them -and to me, that is also racism.
Has anyone seen Avenue Q? There's a song in it called "Everyone's a little bit racist." It's quite funny.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbud8rLejLM
Avenue Q is great! I was actually thinking about it as this conversation about race spiralled out of control. Everyone is a little racist - that includes me. "White Power!" - that's a joke.
We are all biased. I have my issues, and so does the next person. Perhaps if we all agree to work on our stuff we can help change for the better.
I didn't shun the stereotypes, I was actually humiliated (taunted, beaten up) because I didn't fit in. I spoke well, didn't dress street, and was a fairly bright kid. I wanted to fit in, I just didn't. So I withdrew.
I don't dislike so called urban culture, so I am not like the lesbian analogy you gave. The choices I made paid off, but I went to college with people that dressed like thugs and "kept it real" that are, I believe, working on their PhD at an ivy league school - all while still keeping it real. I don't dislike them for being accepted by urban culture and being a trailblazer in the ivory tower in another sense. I actually admire them. They, moreso than me, make people change their minds. At times I feel like a sellout, but after years of being told you’re not black enough, whatever the heck that means, and after repeatedly getting the stuffing beat out of me to the point I found myself considering suicide at 15, I can’t say that I didn’t retreat more. So I don’t fit in to the dom culture or my particular sub culture. I don’t hate either. I just don’t belong.
My black neighbor once told me how happy he was to see white people moving in across the street...I didn't really know how to respond.
Well, I am not surprised. Having lived in Boston and DC, it is quite different. Boston is smaller and gentrification is virtually complete. 100,000+ students virtually all attending private universities. Irish straight off the plane and run the police and city. Rare too see anything but white on Beacon Hill or Back Bay. Kind of a white kids playground with little cross-culture.
I HIGHLY agree with the people who've pointed out that we all struggle with racism and biases. I actually think the term racist does a lot of harm these days... it's unclear just how much racism makes a person a racist. So some people will hold on to damaging biases, but comfort themselves with saying that whatever it is doesn't make them a racist. On the other hand, people who have examined themselves and realize that they have prejudices too will beat themselves up, say, "I'm a racist!" and feel awful about themselves. Racism is like a giant canyon carved through the psyches of every single American alive, and all of us have been influenced by it to one degree or another. What's left to us is to figure out how to rebuild ourselves in a healthy way.
I recently noted that my mom, when she tells stories, ALWAYS identifies the race of someone when that person isn't white. She's incredibly careful not to say negative things about them, and usually, in fact, goes out of her way to say nice things about them. But I get really uncomfortable, because it shows that to her it's a REALLY big event for someone to be different from what she considers the default. And her default has a definite race.
We've all got stuff to work on.
Anyway. It's really ugly to see someone spit on one's hospitality like Inked's family friend did to her. I'm sorry to hear it.
hey elise, i think the first comment was the best and i agree. the world is trending in the right direction. just keep doing your part.
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